


I can't decide if I'll let you save my life or if I'll drown

by deathbyfandom



Category: Les Misérables - All Media Types
Genre: Accidental Cuddling, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, First Kiss, Fluff, M/M, Misunderstandings, Sharing a Bed, Sleepy Cuddles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-10
Updated: 2018-07-10
Packaged: 2019-06-08 01:01:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,689
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15231933
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deathbyfandom/pseuds/deathbyfandom
Summary: Grantaire has been kicked out of his apartment, and Eponine decides the best place for him to stay would be Enjolras'. They finally talk to each other and realise perhaps neither of them hate the other as much as they thought.





	I can't decide if I'll let you save my life or if I'll drown

 

Usually Enjolras’ taunts had no effect on Grantaire, usually he was able to laugh them off because he knew they were coming. But today was different. Today he was out of it, today he had received a letter informing him of his eviction, telling him to be out come evening, today he had lost his home and was, therefore, homeless, with all of his belongings stuffed into his backpack. It wasn’t as if he hadn’t been heading towards this but he just never thought he’d hit this kind of rock bottom. So he didn’t bother arguing any of Enjolras’ points, he didn’t bother throwing out sarcastic comments, he didn’t bother being anything other than a shadow in the corner. He figured no one would notice but it was just his luck that Enjolras did, and of course Enjolras decided to call him out on it.

“What has gotten into you Grantaire? You haven’t said a word all afternoon.”

“I haven’t had anything to say, I thought you’d be pleased.”

“Of course I’m pleased, it’s just unlike you is all.” There was an odd tone of concern in Enjolras’ voice that was entirely out of place, of course Grantaire had heard it directed at others but never him.

“Well maybe I’ve given up.”

“What on earth does that mean?”

“Maybe I just don’t care anymore, about the cause, about your speeches, about proving you wrong, I mean does it even matter?”

The room fell silent, as if everyone was holding their breath to see Enjolras’ reaction.

Enjolras glared at him. “If that is the case, perhaps you should leave. At least when you were pointing out my errors you were serving a purpose, however frustrating.”

Grantaire could only nod in response, because Enjolras was right, as always, he barely serves a purpose here. A stiff silence had settled over the room, Enjolras glaring at Grantaire who could only stare at the floor.

“Well?” Enjolras demanded, seemingly frustrated with the silence, “if you’re going to leave then leave. You’re wasting all of our time, you’re wasting our space, you’re wasting our resources, how many drinks have you had tonight?”

“Enjolras!” Combeferre hissed.

A tremor passed through Grantaire as he let those words sink in. True as it was, he never thought Enjolras would have the guts to tell him to stop wasting their time, space and resources. He nodded slightly then stood shakily.

“I’ll be going then.” Then, without even grabbing his coat he stumbled out the door into the snow.

 

* * *

 

It was cold outside, and quiet. And, god, so empty. Grantaire walked blindly in, hopefully, the direction of a motel of some description, somewhere warm at least. God, why hadn’t he fought Enjolras, why had he just got up and left? And since when had Enjolras started getting to him? He knew he was a waste of space, god forbid someone should let him forget it, so why had Enjolras saying it hurt so much? Was he really so delusional that he thought Enjolras returned his feelings on any level at all?

He had only gone a mile or so when he realised all his money was in the bag he had left in the Musain. Going back was not an option. There was no way he could face them right now. He sighed and dropped onto a bench, figuring this would be his life from now on, he curled up and made himself as warm as he could before closing his eyes and begging for sleep.

That was where Eponine found him an hour later.

“Jesus Christ R, what are you doing, it’s freezing out here you left your bag, and more importantly your coat!”

“‘Ponine? What are you doing here?” Grantaire asked blearily.

“Looking for you, you idiot! I went to your apartment after the meeting to make sure you were okay but you weren’t there.”

“Oh yeah,” He said, sitting up and brushing the snow off his sleeve, realising, as he came into consciousness, that his limbs had gone numb with cold in the time he’d been asleep, “got kicked out.”

“So you decided you’d sleep on a fucking bench?!”

“Didn’t wanna be a burden to anyone.”

“Is this about what Enjolras said? Because you know he didn’t mean it R, he was frustrated and hurt.”

“He was hurt?” Grantaire snorted, “What did he have to be hurt about?”

“By god you’re oblivious,” Eponine said, sitting down next to him and taking one of his hands, gently massaging feeling and warmth back into it, “he cares about you, he cares about your opinion. He was hurt because you said you didn’t care about him anymore.”

“I didn’t say that.”

“No, you said you didn’t care about the cause or his speeches, which is even worse because those are everything to him R, he spends all his time planning and thinking about them.”

Grantaire was silent.

“I think there’s a communication issue happening here and I think you two need to spend some quality time together so-”

“No.” Grantaire interrupted, “whatever you’re about to say, no.”

“-So, I’m volunteering his apartment as the place you stay until you find a new apartment.”

“No.”

“R you have to.”

“He wouldn’t agree.”

“Except he already has.” Eponine said, gleefully waving her phone at him.

“What did you tell him?”

“That I found you freezing to death on a bench and you need a place to stay.”

“And I can’t stay with you because…”

“I don’t have any space, Cosette and Marius moved in.”

“Ugh, I don’t want to live with you three anyway.”

“I’ll have you know, we are very cute.”

Grantaire sighed and smiled slightly. “I’m glad you’re happy.”

“Now it’s your turn.” She replied, smiling back.

 

* * *

 

Eponine escorted Grantaire to Enjolras’, saying she didn’t want him to chicken out and end up on another bench. Enjolras was a wreck when he opened the door. Grantaire felt almost uncomfortable seeing the usually so well put together leader so dishevelled.

“Fuck, R, I was so worried about you.”

Grantaire let out a strained laugh. “The mighty Apollo need not worry for any mere mortal.”

“This isn’t a joke.” Enjolras tugged Grantaire inside and gave a slight nod to Eponine, who smiled and gave Grantaire a hug, making him promise to be good before she left.

Enjolras turned to Grantaire. “I’m truly sorry Grantaire, what I said was horrible and wrong, you aren’t- you have never been a waste of anything and you don’t deserve that kind of treatment.” Enjolras said, staring so intensely into Grantaire’s eyes he felt like Enjolras was looking right into his soul.

“Don’t worry,” Grantaire said, with an awkward cough, avoiding Enjolras’ eyes and pushing past him to sit on the couch, “it shouldn’t have gotten to me, it doesn’t usually, I’d just had a rough day.”

“That’s not an excuse!” Enjolras said, following him into the apartment. “You should be allowed to have bad days, you can’t be expected to be the unshakable cynic all the time… or ever.”

“It’s not your fault.” Grantaire said, in a tone that made it clear that the matter was now closed for discussion. So Enjolras just nodded and walked into the kitchen and began preparing tea. It gave Grantaire time to think about what Eponine had said, had Enjolras really been upset by what he had said? It was uncharacteristic for him, but really, Grantaire had never been the best judge of Enjolras’ emotions and it was entirely possible he’d missed a hurt tone, a hesitation, or a dropped gaze in his own upset. 

“I need to apologise too.” He said, after a while, “I don’t know how much my opinion means to you, but Eponine tells me it’s a lot, and I would hate for you to think that I had really given up on you or the things you care about.”

Enjolras handed him his tea and sat on the couch beside him. “Of course your opinion matters to me, you matter to me.” He started, staring into his tea, avoiding Grantaire’s gaze. “And I was… hurt, but that is no excuse for what I said to you.”

Grantaire looked up, searching Enjolras’ expression for a sign that he was lying, that this was just a joke, but he found nothing but honesty. 

“I didn't… I never… I'm sorry, it didn't even occur to me it would matter to you whether I cared or not.” Grantaire said slowly, still processing.

Enjolras looked up, smiling a little. “It seems there have been some miscommunications between us.”

“So it seems.” Grantaire replied, smiling too. He wasn't sure he'd ever seen this expression on Enjolras, all soft and open. It made his heart flutter in a different way to its usual ‘holy shit Enjolras is so hot’ way, normally they were fighting, so naturally he had always imagined that if somehow he and Enjolras ended up in a relationship it would be more of a hate sex thing. But now, with Enjolras looking up at him with a soft smile, wearing loose pyjamas and holding tea, suddenly all these domestic images pop into his head. He sighed and put down his empty tea cup. “It's getting late, I don't want to keep you up, I'm sure you have a class tomorrow morning.”

“Oh.” Enjolras sat up, the softness from his expression fading, whatever barriers he normally had were back in place as he collected their mugs and disappeared into the kitchen. “So uh, I don't have a spare bedroom as such but there's a blow up mattress in the closet.” He walked back out of the kitchen and paused in front of Grantaire.

“Yeah- uh that's fine, I'm in no position to be fussy.” Grantaire stood up as well, following Enjolras to the closet where he pulled out the most dusty blow up mattress Grantaire had ever seen.

“...I don't have visitors often.” Enjolras offered as explanation. “I don't think I can make you sleep on this…”

Grantaire looked up, shocked. “No I- it's fine, seriously I've slept on worse, I would honestly be perfectly happy with the couch.”

“No, you're my guest, look my bed is a queen bed, we could both fit if that's alright with you, and we can go buy a better mattress tomorrow.”

At this point Grantaire literally felt himself ascend to the astral plane, where he stared god in the eyes and swore at them for letting this happen. How on earth was he supposed to sleep in the same bed as Enjolras without spontaneously combusting? And yes, that was an over exaggeration but he genuinely had no idea how they were supposed to live together until he found a new place let alone sleep in the same bed, even if just for a night. They argued enough already without being around each other all day.

Somehow Grantaire managed to change in the clothes he used as pyjamas, brush his teeth, and climb into Enjolras’ bed without panicking and/or annoying Enjolras. And lying stiffly as far over on the bed as possible he could not have regretted any decision more in his life. There was no way in hell he was getting any sleep.

 

* * *

 

Grantaire woke up to a weight on his chest. He tried to shift it but it just wound it's limbs around him and clung to him. He opened his eyes to a facefull of blond hair, which meant the weight clinging to him was Enjolras. Fuck. There was no way for him to get out without waking Enjolras up.

“Enj?” Enjolras shifted a little but made no move to wake up.

Grantaire sighed, he was stuck until Enjolras woke up, and it was a weekend and Enjolras was not a morning person, so he was gonna be here for a good while. Enjolras’ legs were twisted between his own, one of his arms was stretched above his head, resting his hand on the pillow next to Grantaire’s face, while the other was looped around Grantaire’s arm and clutching the back of his shirt, and his head was resting on Grantaire’s chest. It was like something directly out of Grantaire’s dreams but Enjolras must have just latched onto him while he was asleep, there was no meaning behind it and he really needed to not read into it. And yet…

“Mmmm.” Enjolras shifted again, his hand moving into Grantaire’s hair.

“Enj?” Grantaire tried again.

“Mmm?” Enjolras’ voice was muffled in Grantaire's shirt.

“Morning.” He said softly.

“R?” Enjolras said, lifting his head and looking up at Grantaire. Grantaire's insides melted at the soft expression on Enjolras’ face, but then his eyes cleared and a combination of embarrassment and shock flooded his face. 

“Fuck I'm sorry, this is so embarrassing, I'm weirdly clingy in my sleep, I'm so sorry.” Enjolras rambled, extracting himself from Grantaire.

“Hey, no, it's ok! It's fine, I uh- I don't mind.” Grantaire said, grabbing Enjolras’ wrist before he could actually get out of bed.

“Do you want some coffee?” Enjolras said, looking at anything but Grantaire.

Grantaire watched him for a minute, sitting up. “Can I ask you something first?”

“Yeah, sure.” Enjolras replied, looking nervous.

“Did that mean something?”

Enjolras shifted awkwardly, sighing and seemingly steeling himself. “Well, as established last night there have been some miscommunications between us and I believe one of them is the fact that I do in fact care deeply for you, which, I have been informed, you are not aware of.”

Grantaire stared at him, starting to smile. “I like you too.”

Enjolras nodded, finally moving back across the bed and looking Grantaire in the eye. “Did you… did you really think I didn't care?”

Grantaire’s gaze dropped to his lap. “I didn't- I just- we fight a lot, ok? I didn't realise you considered me anything other than your sparring partner.”

Enjolras reached over and threaded his fingers through Grantaire's. “Hey, I'm sorry.”

“You don't-”

“No I do, R I'm sorry, I'm sorry I spent our entire friendship so far acting like you meant nothing to me. Because that could not be further from the truth.”

Grantaire finally looked up at him, smiling a little. “I'm sorry I always fight with you, I don't know why I always end up insulting you.”

“You know, combined we probably have the communication skills of a below average person.” Enjolras said, laughing and dropping his head on Grantaire’s shoulder.

“We got to this point though didn't we?” 

Enjolras smiled up at him. “Yeah we did.”

“Enj, can I kiss you?”

Enjolras blushed and nodded slightly. “Yeah, of course, please.”

Grantaire turned and cupped Enjolras’ face, kissing him gently. His lips were soft, Grantaire mused, moving one of his hands into Enjolras’ hair, god was everything about this man soft? 

Enjolras’ hands had slipped under Grantaire’s shirt and he was tracing patterns on Grantaire’s hips, and Grantaire honest to god felt his insides melt. Then Enjolras gently pushed him down until he was lying with Enjolras on his chest again, before he pulled back and buried his face in Grantaire's chest.

“You wanna go back to sleep?” 

“Mmmhm.” Enjolras mumbled. “You're comfortable… and you smell nice.”

Grantaire laughed and wrapped his arms around Enjolras. “Well let me know when you want coffee.”

Enjolras nodded, clearly already half asleep. Grantaire smiled down at him, threading his fingers into the blond hair. So what if it took them 6 years to get here, they did it and it was worth all the fighting and pining, if only for this moment. If only so that he got to see Enjolras, their godlike leader, fast asleep on his chest, snoring lightly and wearing baggy, yet actual, button up PJs. They were far from perfect, they both sucked at communicating, and just because they were… ok they actually hadn't discussed it but whatever they were, it didn't mean they would stop fighting Grantaire knew that. But he also knew Enjolras liked him, Enjolras cared about his opinion, cared for him, and Enjolras knew he felt the same about him and he knew that would change everything. 

**Author's Note:**

> This was not proofread but you know what these holidays I'm just smashing out fics and not worrying about it, anyway, I hope you enjoyed. Title from Arms by Christina Perri
> 
> Find me on tumblr @girlsinthestars


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